"Hi Laura," I said.
"Why you upset?" Laura asked in a heavy Romanian accent.
"Oh, I just had a rough day, my boyfriend broke up with me by sending a text message," I said. "Can you believe that?!" I asked.
"Yes," said Laura firmly.
"What do you mean?," I asked. "You can believe that he dumped me, or that it was through a text message?"
"Both," said Laura firmly.
"Oh, okay. Thanks for you honesty," I said.
"He see you as little girl. A weak little girl with no power. You need to be strong woman," says Laura using little girl facial expressions to describe me.
"Well I'm actually working on that Laura, but thanks for noticing. Good night..." I said starting to close the door.
"You need to learn to keep your man," advised Laura. "On my wedding night, my great-grandmother told me the secret to keeping your man happy. I will tell you because you are my friend. You don't tell anyone."
"Please enlighten me. At this stage, anything can help," I said.
"You must be a 'Cooker in the Kitchen, a Whore in the Bedroom and a Lady on the Street,' that's it," says Laura, again using hand demonstrations to describe Cooker, Whore and Lady.
"Laura, I think there's a rap song about this," I said.
"THIS IS SERIOUS," Laura said sternly. "You must be a man's mom, sister and whore all in one. That's the secret. No more whining."
"Wow--Laura. Ok, I believe," I said completely trying to recover from the thought of Laura being a whore to her husband. "The relationship wasn't working out anyway, its fine. I'm just perplexed with the whole text message. Thank you for your advice."
"You are welcome. You are my friend and I share this advice from my country," said Laura proudly. "Remember: Cooker, Whore, and Lady. No more little whiney girl. Powerful woman. That's all you must know."
"Got it, I'll work on it," I promised. "Goodnight Laura."
"One more thing," interjects Laura. "Stop crying over him. I can tell when you cry because you look awful. Puffy eyes and red face."
"Laura...I wasn't crying," I said very confused. "I was watching American Idol. This is just how I look."
"Oh no," gasps Laura covering her mouth and suddenly turns to walk away.
Okay now I can comment: I still think it's funny that Mark L said you have two of th three mastered.
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