My Mom’s Advice to Being Dumped via Text: “You-Should-Freeze-Your-Eggs”

Yesterday my 47-year old mother called to check on how I was doing post-break up text and facebook de-friendment (Yes, the Facebook de-friendment immediately followed the break-up text) I’m pretty sure that movie producers are behind this whole situation: text dumping, Laura’s Cooker-Whore-Lady mantra and now my mother’s advice. …

“How are you doing after your ordeal?” mom asked sympathetically.

“I’m okay, thanks. It just wasn’t working out," I said. "There’s other fish in the sea, right? Anyway, how are you?”

“Well speaking of fish,” my mom started. “I’m going through menopause.”

“But Mom, you’re only 47—“ I said, quickly trying to remember what the normal menopausal age was—55? 65? 77?

“My doctor says that 47 is really young for menopause,” she explained. “It’s a good thing I already had my children.”

“Yeah, 18 is a great age to start bearing children,” I teased. My mom was 18 and 22 when she had us. Later on, my parents adopted two little girls from Russia.

“Sarah, this is genetic,” said mom serisouly. “You should start thinking about freezing your eggs.”

“Very funny mom…” I laughed.

“I’m not joking,” said mom. “You really should be looking into your options.”

“Options? What options?,” I said starting to get upset,”I’m 25-years old. Why would I need to freeze my eggs?”

“Well Sarah, you’re a ‘career woman,’” said mom overly emphasizing ‘career woman,’ as if they were bad words.

“At the rate you’re going, it’s going to be awhile before you have children,” added mom sounding like she was chewing on something.

“Are you eating,?” I asked annoyed.

“Uh huh,” mom answered between bites. “Ice cream cone. Cookie dough.”

“How appropriate—“ I said. “You always told me to have a career and never to settle until I was ready.”

“I know, but things have change,” said mom through ice cream bites, “but I don’t know what to think about your ‘situation.’”

“What situation? Freezing my eggs?,” I asked.

“Sweetie, men are dumping you on text messages and the internet,” said mom as she now was chewing the ice cream cone. “I guess you’ll have to take your chances.”

“A man, not MEN. One MAN broke up with me on text messaging,” I corrected.

“That’s right dear,” my mom said light heartedly. “A 38-year old man broke up with you on your phone. I know it's only one, but didn't that Australian boyfriend break up with you in a McDonald's parking lot? "

"Oh my gosh, why are you bringing THAT up?" I said. "First of all, we were on the phone because he lived in Australia--I had to pull over and it just so happened to be a parking lot. That has absolutely NOTHING to do with this."

"Uh huh," said mom in a condescending 'whatever you say' tone. "You haven't had the best experience with men."

"Thanks for the pep talk," I said sarcastically. "I'll just freeze my eggs and became like that crazy octuplet lady."

"You are wonderful and I love you," mom said. "You just have to be sensible. It wouldn’t hurt to just read about it so you can make an educated decision.”

“Whatever,” I said giving up arguing, "I'm going to get going. Goodnight."

“Wonderful!,” said mom cheerfully. “I’ll get Tashie to email you the information.”

Tashie is my 10-year-old sister.