My 60-year old Romanian Landlord Commissions The Church to Pray for My Sexuality

My landlord Laura lives directly across the hall from me.  Every time I open my door, I hear Laura scrambling to open her door.  Laura has this strange ability to “appear” in random places throughout our building at random times: trash room, garage, mail room, the stairs, etc. I’ve developed several strategies to avoid her lengthy lectures—I do my laundry at 2am, open and shut my door really fast to throw her off my scent, sprint down the hall, etc.

Last Sunday, Laura was waiting for me in the laundry room. She informed me that her Romanian family and Church have been praying for my future. 

“Hey Laura,” I said.

 “Hello,” said Laura in a heavy Romanian accent.

“There’s been no men to your apartment,” stated Laura .

“Well that’s because I’m not dating anyone,” I said putting quarters into the machine. 

“Don’t be with the women,” interjected Laura.

“What do you mean ‘the women’?” I asked. “Do you mean a lesbian?”

“Yes,” said Laura.

“Why, what’s wrong if I were a lesbian?” I asked.

“It’s not mechanical,” Laura said simply.  “It’s a sin.”

“Oh—I don’t believe in that,” I said.

“You don’t read the bible?” she asked folding her husband’s laundry.

“No, not at all,” I said.

“I see. You are a Jew,” said Laura. “My husband is right.”

“No, I’m not Jewish—I’m just not religious,” I explained.

Laura puts the laundry down and props herself on the washer machine.

“You look like you are with women,” she said. “We have been praying for you.”

“Excuse me? Who is ‘we’?,” I asked in shock. “Praying for what?”

“You don’t attract men. I see no men to your apartment,” said Laura. “My whole family prays for you.”

“Wow…Laura,” I started. “Thank you for the prayers, but I’m single—that’s why you haven’t seen a man at my place.”

Laura shrugs her shoulders and starts to switch more laundry.

“My husband tells his nephew and cousin and sister-in-law to have their church pray for you too,” said Laura  “Every week.”

“Pray for me—? What Church?” I asked very confused.  “Wait—Laura, are you serious?”

“Because you have sex with the women. It’s a very big sin,” explained Laura.  “Every week the church congregations pray for you.”

“The congregations?!” I asked. “There’s two churches praying for me?!”

“Yes,” replied Laura. “And family in my country.”

“Laura—I’m not a lesbian,” I said very slowly. “I’m attracted to men.”

“You are not attracted to the women anymore?” asked Laura.  “This is good, the prayers are answered.”

“No—Laura, I was never a lesbian,” I corrected.

“I will tell the Church and my family from my country that God answered the prayers,” said Laura satisfied. “This is good.”

“Yeah, okay…,” I said defeated.

 “Just out of curiosity—“ I started. “How long has the church congregations and your family been praying for me?”

“Since you moved in,” responded Laura as she picked up her laundry basket and walks away.

I’ve lived there for one year.