I’m in the doghouse with my dog sitter: "Would you like walking around with 3-days of poop caked to your butt?”

My 43-year old dog sitter is a bit of a hoarder and a hermit. She has racks and racks of clothes in the middle of her living room and has yard sales every week, but never lets anyone buy anything. She's also obsessed with her dog Blossom and all other dogs. Whether she's telling me the latest on puppy news or telling me the latest neighborhood 'doggie gossip,' I always leave her place with a lesson. Always.

Knock. Knock.

“Hi Maureen” I said. “I’m here to pick up Paige.”

“Just a minute,” said Maureen with a lisp. “How was Palm Springs?”

“It was great, very hot,” I said outside her door. “Thanks so much for watching Paige, was she good?”

“Ummmmm….well,” said Maureen unlocking her six deadbolts. Her thick red frizzy hair was greasier than usual. She wore her usual stained gray t-shirt and matching gray stretch pants.

“She played really well with Blossom and shared toys…”she said.

“That’s great” I replied.

“So, when you dropped her off there was poop all over her butt,” she said bluntly.

“Excuse me?” I asked very surprised.

“Poop was caked all over her butt,” stated Maureen. “It was all sticky in her hair—it was like super glue.”

“Oh, geez,” I said.

“I had to cut it out with my sewing scissors,” said Maureen.

“Wow, sewing scissors?” I said trying to recall 3 days earlier. “I don’t remember there being a ‘situation’ when I dropped her off. I wonder how that happened.”

Maureen stared me down for about 20 seconds.

“It happened because you didn’t wipe her butt,” she said very annoyed.

“Oh, Maureen, I’m sorry” I said awkwardly. “But…she is a dog and goes to the bathroom outside..."

“Baby-wipe her butt,” she said simply.

Maureen roller her eyes and said, “I mean, would you like walking around with 3-days of poop caked to your butt?”

“No,” I replied. "I wouldn't."